Finding Your Own Style & Identity

It’s amazing how many people I see on social media that imitate other people. If it is dressing like an actress or singer that you admire or if it’s imitating a basketball players lay ups or 3 point jump. It is always easy to mirror others. It’s so much harder to follow your own instincts and make new paths or trend. It could be due to an overwhelming expectations to have everyone to like you, to like your posts, or to agree with you on life matters.

Being a church girl, you tend to fall in either 2 categories. A conservative church girl or modern church girl. Although both are Christians, their images may be completely different. A conservative church girl may have the sweaters for sleeveless dresses or top, the appropriate skirt lengths, or the nice timid personality. A modern church girl may have rips in her tight jeans, mid-drift tops that are appropriate because she wears high waist bottoms, or be the extrovert that will tell you off and say “God bless you”  after she finishes. The point of the 2 images are to stress appearance is just that… the outer shell of a person. It does not change how the heart beats or how life flows through your veins. However the outer appearance can represent your inner health.

I personally enjoy finding the ugliest thing on a rack and making it work. It challenges my inner creative personality. I cover my shoulders during church but wear mid-drifts with high waist skirts or pants because I may feel edgy. I politely tell you “No thank you” but can give you a look in an instant to indicate you’re entering a dangerous zone. My appearance represents me. There’s no imitation of any singer or actress when you see me. Everything you see, typically represents an identity that I have discovered over the past 33 years. My style is layers of years of things that I have found that works for me.

It saddens me when I hear someone trying to be something they are not. Or trying to imitate a picture. I have had women who claim to be confident and secure walk around trying to imitate other women’s image. One year it happened to me to the point I was taken back on how far the woman went to copy my style. I am known to wear black and pearls. That is my signature look. Of course I do not own that image however I have been consistent with that attire for the past 15 years There was a young lady, who started dating my ex and they eventually married, and she would vocalize on many occasions before the marriage that although I dated him for 10 years she was secure in the fact that they had a good relationship. She was confident that he loved her. Of course because I was over the relationship, not because he was a bad person, but because he was my past and I outgrew the space that I was in when I was dating him. I was ok with not being with him because my identity had evolved into something more because I was on a completely different journey then I started when I was him. Well we all attended the same church and she had her own fashion, if that’s what you want to call it. I can honestly say that never would you say that we resembled each other in fashion because our personality was completely different. Well, when they became engaged some things started to change. Now for an overview, I loved wearing a pixie hair cut, which again– I did not “own” that look. But it was my look that everyone was accustomed to seeing for at least 5 years. And note, I have a consistent trend of solid black with pearls… Well one day she walked in with the exact hair cut wearing the exact same thing that I wear, which isn’t hard to imitate cause it basically consistent of solid black attire with pearls. Well, of course I was taken back by her change, I was like, do no one else see this???

It was amazing that so many people responded differently because they would say, anyone can wear pearls but it doesn’t make you elegant. She had already developed an identity so although she changed her attire no one changed their view of her.  Eventually she reverted back to her inappropriate attire but it was amazing that the one individual who would be the loudest about being confident in herself changed her image to resemble someone else. It doesn’t matter how you dress, your image of your heart flows past anything you can put on. Well to fast forward, it turned out that she battled with her own identity because of her own insecurities and a few months after they were married they were separated then eventually divorced. I honestly believe that because she was attempting to change her look was an attempt to finding something deeper she was searching for, her identity. All women go through a change especially if they do not like how they are feeling on the inside. I can honestly say that my life story has had ups and downs, valuable moments, shamed moments, but all of the moments I have had has contributed to my style, my confidence, and my identity.

I have heard someone say, “Your appearance is your advertisement of your life’s journey”.  I believe the challenge and enjoyment in life, no matter how painful it may be or no matter how many down moments you have, but the goal should be to find your own identity in everything you go through and allowing that identity to appear in your style. What is your style????



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