Hurting Hearts

It amazes me at how many people are experiencing some type of pain but yet they go about their daily lives never trying to heal the pain. Now they will take many measures to mask or lessen the pain but actually healing the root cause of the pain does occur immediately. Many people believe that all pain heals with time. Some believe seeking the face of God will heal the pain. Others believe that sex dulls the pain. One of my close friends believes that being successful outshines the pain. There are so many philosophies on how to deal with emotional pain. Now with physical pain, we all know the quick relief methods we have— medication, sleeping the pain away, changing our biomechanics (the way we walk or stand) to off load the pain… but what about the dull faint pain that we have in our chest that is not correlated to any physiological signaling that there is an injury. I’m talking about heart pains. Emotional hurt. Deep soul aching pain.

We know what to do when there is a part of our body that is signaling pain, we first inspect the area. Try to figure out if you remove or apply something will it stop the pain. Our first desire is always to stop the pain. It’s crazy that most individuals that are hurting emotionally do not always inspect why they are hurting, they automatically jump to the action to stop the hurting. This is when we make rash decisions on something that is usually temporary.  Unfortunately, I have had one too many heart breaks, 2 to be precise. The first heart-break, I couldn’t understand how emotionally draining it was to hurt as intense and deep as I did. I would lay in the bed and cry until my eyes literally had no more tears to spare. I will admit, I thought lots of sex would help my healing phase. And like most of you, I found that didn’t work at all. If anything it made it worse. My second heart break, I would lay in the bed and try to visualize where exactly was the hurting located. I narrowed it down from my heart to coming to the conclusion the pain would be like a dense gas that would choke my throat and crowd my entire chest and sometimes send a numb sensation throughout my entire body. I didn’t, and still don’t understand how hurt can be no where but every at the same time. I decided that I would force myself to correlate hurt with a particular location or action so I started getting tattoos anytime I had a hurt that I could not articulate the hurt. I have 10 tattoos now, and because of my profession, I am running out of places to hide my hurt so I decided to get a therapist to talk this “hurt” out instead of printing it on my skin. I discovered that writing and singing is very therapeutic for me. Although neither methods would completely stop the hurt, it would allow me a method to inspect where and why the hurt exist.

Once we locate where the pain is, our next thing we tend to do is evaluate how extensive is the hurt. Is it localized or global. With my personality I have a tendency to make lists and to compartmentalized everything. When I have a pain I need to address if that pain is impacting any other areas of my body to determine if they can continue functioning. Example, my first heart-break I allowed it to effect every area of my life. Spiritual, financial, family, friendships, everything was altered because of my inability to separate them all. Its easier said than done. I quit work because I was just to distraught to deal with people. Its funny now for me to admit that but it was the truth of why I quit my job. I was starting school in a month and figured I just need to isolate myself to deal with my pain. Yeah, that resulted in my crying all night because I didn’t have to wake up for work, then I would cry all day because everyone else was gone to work. The demand to mellow in my heart was time consuming. I allowed my emotion to overtake the structure of my life. My second heart break, I learned from having bills, life has to continue even if my heart is hurting. The most significant difference between the two experiences was my second heart break was a deeper pain. I originally thought it was a deeper hurt because I loved this guy more than the first guy. But that wasn’t it, it turned out that the second guy made a series of decisions that resulted in me being hurt which caused the hurt to be more extensive in its damage of my trust of PEOPLE. His hurt caused me to realize that I was vulnerable to any and everyone that I allowed to get too close. Although I was present at functions and I would interact with people, my heart was cut off from the world. Of course with me being active in ministry, that was not productive. I had to take time away to gather why his hurt was a deeper pain that altered my view on everyone. I discovered that the pain became so extensive because I understood that he chose to hurt me. We all have a choice. And he thought about what he wanted and knew it would hurt me and continued on the path to neglect my heart. Now in medicine, if the surrounding body part is necrotic (dead) then the only choice a physician has is to amputate. You amputate all the necrotic matter to the healthy section. My heart was in a slow process of becoming necrotic when I decided to disconnect it from anyone who could potentially hurt me. My ability to write about my hurt gave me life. I also believe the birth of my nephew reversed my dying heart. I honestly believe that if you are financially able to afford a pet, the best time to get a cute little puppy is if you’re trying to move on from a heart break. When you are focusing on loving something or in my case someone more than the hurt, it revives anything that the hurt tried to destroy. I do not suggest having a child to heal from pain. My circumstance worked out that my sister gave birth during the time of my heart ache so it worked perfect for me. But if you can get a puppy it works the same. Now, you have to be a pet person in order for this to happen lol. I have some friends were a pet would depress them, restrict them basically. For those individuals I suggest develop a goal to focus on, get your masters or rebuild a transmission. What ever you have a passion for pour your time and energy into that, it can be so therapeutic and productive. But for us who loves animals, loving something that you know will be loyal to you is so therapeutic.

I am still evolving from the second heart ache but I vowed that all that I learn I would document for the sake of others that may be trying to get pass the hurting moments of their life.

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