My Gift to You

I have searched long for this perfect gift, the gift that encompasses all of my heart’s feelings. I have searched long for this one special gift. Finding it is  and has been beyond anything that I have had ever imagined.

As I take this gift in my hands, I consider how to package it for you. I wonder should I take it as it is, in its purest form. Should I wrap it with fancy paper. Should I put it in a fancy box, with a huge gold bow. Should I put it in a lavished gift bag and stuff it with pretty colorful filler paper.

As I take this gift in my hands, and consider the value of it for you. I wonder will you see the cost of the sacrifice. Will you see the tears that has cleaned and washed it just right for you… Do you see the hand prints as I have clutched on to this special gift with dear life.

Yeah, now that I hold it so close to me, I see… I see all of the wear and tear that has accumulated over the years. I see the small punctures from the daggers that have been thrown at this most valuable gift.

Yeah right there, they are small but they are there. The two small rips that have been sown together with the needle and thread of the word of God itself.

The texture of this gift is like no other. Soft and fragile because of its purity. But yet rigid and course because of its journey.

The gift even has a unique smell. The smell of victory with the faint fragrance of anticipation. It leaves a lingering aroma of pain but as you inhale and take in all of the aroma you smell the beauty that seeps out of the pores of this special special gift.

As I take this gift I have finally found. I decided to package it in such a way that the arrival of it will be surprising but not too profound. I wrap this special special gift in words of poetry. I wrap it with the images of my struggles. I wrap this special special gift with the ribbons of my heart’s journey.

This gift that I hold in my hands, is the gift of my hope in Love. My hope in Enduring. My hope in Surviving.



Moments of Life

Moments are what determines if you lived a purposeful life. Are you able to enjoy this moment and every moment that follows because a perfect moment can unfold a different life… Being in the heat of a moment can cause unexpected life. Angry moments can result in words you can never take back during this life. Painful moments can cycle as memories that are forced to replay for life. Happy moments can motivate the day’s infinity of life. Peaceful moments can capture a glimpse of the eternity of life. Just know the final moments of this life, recaptures every moment that determined that you lived a purposeful life.


The fight to move FORWARD

From the outside, she is standing tall. She is standing with a strong stance. When you see her, she either have a smile on her face or no facial expression at all. You see her clothes neatly tucked appropriately. Make up on, lashes applied, and a fresh a manicure. She has a name brand bag on her left shoulder with a cup of coffee in her right hand. She’s standing there in front of you with a goal of heading somewhere with a mission and a plan.

The reality of what truly stands before you is someone standing tall with her knees locked because she is afraid of falling. She is fearful that if she allows you to see her knees buckling from the exhaustion oh having to rise above the pain she is always feeling. She is afraid that one buckle, in one knee, will cause the rest of her to buckle way.

If you look closely you can see he small tremors throughout her body, tremors caused by the screams that are trapped inside this image of a strong woman. She looks like she’s standing with her eyes closed, expressionless. But she is fighting to hide, she is avoiding you looking into her eyes and seeing the emptiness. If she manages a smile it’s because she is fearful that you will see a glimpse of her wanting to give up the fight. The smile is nothing  more than makeup. It is easily applied for the occasion.  You see the layers of clothes but you’re really seeing the layer’s of responsibility she must take on. The bag holds everything she thought she needed.. the bible, sermon notes, and a note-book of her inner thoughts in attempt not to lose herself as she stands tall and strong for everyone else. Although she has this bag, she knows there is nothing in there that can mend the flesh. Her heart is bleeding and there are no bandages strong enough to stop it. he has a worn out heart tha can no longe holder love.

She is standing there, with a mission and plan. She is telling her body to move. She is screaming silently, telling her body to move, just take one step. Just lift your leg and move.

As she unlocks her legs, her entire body collapses to the floor… dropping the bag in one hand and the coffee in the other. Clothes now covered in stains and distorted. Her facial expression has completely changed. She looks broken. Her eyes are flowing with tears. She is no longer silent, but crying out. After every sound of pain that is ejected from her soul she is desperately gasping for air. She is crawling and fighting to move forward. Slowly, with hurt, with aches, but she is moving… But from the outside you see her standing tall, standing with a strong stance. She is wearing smile for the occasion as she fights the internal battle to move forward.



Loving someone pass yourself….

A mother puts her child before herself. A husband puts his wife before himself. A father will sacrifice himself for his children… could this be the reason why God came to earth as Man and willing allowed us to crucify him.

I think we are built to receive love, to hold love, so we can inevitable redistribute love to other forms of matter– if its humans, animals, plants, or to pour it in music, art or maybe dance.

Is the point of this earthly life to live “through” love no matter how much life may hurt. Choosing to love pass our limits.

Does that mean we are will get angry but be angry with the presence of love still there? Doesn’t it say, Love never fails? It never fades nor ends… If we live by this measure then would we not lash out as harshly as we do? Will we not be quick to end things? Or would we love the person enough to make the best decision for them even if they can’t see the reasoning. Again, choosing to love pass our limits.

At some point, you will eventually  love something or someone more than yourself… the question is, would you choose love over self? Would you choose loving pass all limits?


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